I guess this is it

You know, I don't know why I even bother to keep typing up these blogs. I doubt anyone reads them. I just wanted to find a place to share my feelings and I think I found it here. These past 2 months, I've felt alienated from the world. I feel out of place. I met my friends like 10 or so months ago and in all that time they had already formed a massive friend group, gotten into relationships, and shown me that life doesnt have to suck. I also met someone who managed to make me see that I dont have to constantly try so hard to live up to my parents expectations. She taught me that if my parents can't see my inner worth as their daughter, then I should stop trying to follow in their belief of who I am. However, I had to go through a journey of self discovery. I had to see what kind of person I am. I fell in love with someone who rejected me and someone else who refused to feel love due to past experiences. I met a girl who I thought I knew so well that we could actually start dating but I only saw her for her looks and not her true self. It took some time but I met her. We were the only people we knew in our own class. We began talking and soon enough, the conversations began flowing smoothly. She could talk about anything an I'd be instantly drawn back in. I didn't care about what the conversation topic was because it didn’t matter to me. All I knew is that I was suddenly attached to the hip with my new friend and that's when IT happened. Halloween was an ordinary day at school just like all the others. I would show up to all my classes, sit down, listen to the teachers, and talk to her like always. However, she didn't show up. I didn't say anything to my friends and stayed quiet until I heard why she wasn't in school. My heart sank and I suddenly felt a new emotion. What was it? It was a mix of both sadness and anger. All of a sudden, I began to clench my fists and tears started to come out of my eyes but I fought back against them for the sake of not showing my friends how I truly felt. I remained quiet and even ate where we usually sit on my own. It was strange and the world just felt so out of place to me. It seemed as if I'd just lost my 2nd half but I had to stay strong so I bottled up my emotions. I saw her in my last class that day and she explained everything to me. So, ever since that day, I've know that I have a crush on her which is why I keep typing up these blogs. I don't care about rejection at this point because even if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings, it'd be nice to at least see her for 1 more day.