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nydia grubbs

nydia grubbs's avatar

embrace the off-putting and unsettling

69 years old
Your Mother's House

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nydia grubbs's interests
General eatimh frot lops
Music Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush
Movies Love and Death (1975)
Games kairosoft games
Books Anne of Green Gables
Heroes adriana lima

the process of blog-making, a definition of ones-self, and others notions of the self

from a very early age i have had what i myself have called "selfish": the longing for another soul that truly understands me, that i can open up to, all my jagged corners and sharp edges, and be embraced fully, blood and all.

to be loved fully and wholly by someone else is to be defined, to have someone be able to explain, if not all the way, all the things you do and all the ways they think, feel, interpret you. To be defined as their beloved. Is to love to define? Or perhaps it is simply my own idea of it, as many have spent their whole lives trying to define love itself.

in creating a blog, much love is put into it. to describe oneself in chosen backgrounds and fonts, a human defined in css and html! perhaps its indecipherable nature to me is akin to the indecipherable nature of love!

ok, blog-making, a definition of ones-self, and now others notions of the self (which has been partly addressed above).

when someone loves you, and they define you, it much different than how you are defined by someone who does not love you. even if they like you! to love someone is to surrender yourself, i think, to give your heart and trust them with such a fragile thing. and perhaps it is my past experiences that give such a cynical opinion of all definitions of a person that are not wholly loving, but to be seen as just a body, just a mind... when people are much more, as we can see in matryoshkas... the body, the soul, the mind, the heart, and most importantly the spirit.

the soul is easily shattered, yet it is not a jagged thing...!